When I say "let's get together" I don't really mean it

This year I started to think "man I don't have any friends." I don't do the whole Target, Starbucks meet up with the girls or the mom dinner (aka drink) night. There's one reason to this and one reason only, I don't like anyone. No not really but it's kinda true.

I'm one of those people who are notorious for making plans and never going through with it. I don't mean to be rude but when I say "let's get together soon" I don't really mean it. Okay that's a complete lie, I do but I can't. I mean I can if I want an anxiety attack on the way to meet you and then sit in my car for fifteen minutes after I arrived talking to myself, giving myself a pep talk "you can do this, you really can do this." If we really do get together I will be secretly finding excuses to leave in fears that a panic attack will surprise me and would rather not risk you thinking I'm so sort of mental case. Now lets say I made it trough this little girls trip, WOOOHOOO go me; now I am going to obsess for the next week over every single detail of our day, did I say something wrong? OMG why did I say that? I shouldn't have said that? Could what I said be taken the wrong way? Shi*t [INSERT NAME HERE] is probably talking about me right now.

So my dear dear friends, when I tell you I am oh so busy with a mile long list of things I must accomplish in one day it's likely a slight fib; of course I do have things to do but my list isn't that long & I really don't plan on doing those things that day. Why do I lie? It's easier to tell a slight fib than to tell you "you know what my anxiety has been through the roof and every time we are together you make me nervous without even knowing it & I may just die" Sounds pretty dramatic huh? The truth is panic attacks are dramatic.

Now best friend if you are reading this I don't mean to be a liar, liar with my pants on fire but I think you would rather me tell you I have something to do the day of our girls date then to embarrass you as I have a mental, feel like dieing break down in the middle of Target with Starbucks all down my shirt. To everyone else, well sure it's been 5 years since we last saw each other and I do want to see you but I won't. When I say "let's get together" I don't really mean it .

Alyssa Waters

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