To the Mom Feeling Hopeless

Becoming a mother is the most joyous moment of your life, the moment you see your sweet baby that you carried for 10 months in your womb you let out the biggest tears you've ever whelped but not from sadness but pure happiness. Every mother & father speaks of this moment when they first welcomed their newborn into the world but they don't tell you everything leading up to that moment & the moments after. 
At the moment you find out you're expecting you become overwhelmed with your mind racing, filled with questions & self doubt. You may experiance grim thoughts like "What if I lose the baby?", It's natural to have fear during your early stages of pregnancy but no one likes to tell you that your worst nightmare is a common one, almost every woman has that moment of doubt that a pregnancy will continue to the point of delivering a baby. 
As a woman who has given birth to three children I know every moment of self doubt throughout my pregnancy was completely natural. Those times where I questioned if I could make it though the 10 months as every part of my insides were stretching to make room for my growing baby, the doubt that I could in fact survive delivery. Some women even helped by talking to me about every negative thought that ran though my head, ensuring me it was completely natural to have those feelings but what they didn't tell me is they don't always just stop once your holding your baby. 

When it comes to motherhood no one enjoys talking about the negative side to becoming a mother or worse they dont speak about common mental disorder that sometimes comes with welcoming a new baby into the world. If you speak about questioning why you decided to have a child you are bashed for being the mother who doesn't want her baby. If you tell someone that at moments you wanted to give up, ignore your screaming baby because you don't feel a connection , you are automatically "someone who should have never had a baby." 
What no one likes to speak about is the possibility that you could have postpartum depression which is more common in women who recently gave birth than we like to admit. Pregnancy goes beyond just changing the physical form of our bodies, it changes our hormones that even effects us after birth.  Stress from the lack of sleep, listening to a screeching cry or even just from the stress put on you by others to be the most perfect mother out there can cause your mind to spiral down into a train of thoughts you never imagined any mother could have. Since no mother likes to admit that postpartum depression is way more common than spoken about, she questions if she really loves her baby, she sits alone at the bottom of the shower wishing it would all stop. Feeling like she has no one to turn to, like she's alone in the world. She's scared to talk to anyone around her or seek help because every women is suppose to have an unbreakable bond with her baby, she's suppose to protect that child with her life yet she has thoughts racing through her mind of wanting it all to just end. 

If you have ever questioned your love or the ability to take care of your what is supposed to be bundle of joy please know you are not alone. You are not a bad mother, you may be going through something that is not controllable, that is natural after going through the changes you endured throughout your pregnancy & journey into motherhood. Please know that you can & will get through it with talking to a doctor or even just someone who can trust that will ensure you that you are not alone while taking care of a baby. Find someone you trust that can help take care of your child or children when you fall into your manic depression as you are overwhelmed with the duties that motherhood brings & take a moment to breath. Sometimes these feelings don't just go away & you may need medication to find a healthy balance, know that you will not be the first or last person who may need to turn to professional help.
Most importantly know that what you feel now is temporary, it does get better.

Liked this post? You may enjoy Dear New Mom, You're Doing it Wrong

Alyssa Waters


Anonymous said...

I'm still on medicationa for postpartum depression. But I want to let other mommies that are going through it right now I suffered the bad one, yeah the one with dark scary thoughts, I want you to know you are not alone and it does get better to the point you won't have it no more I promise. There is help and medication. It's up to you how you want to go about it. Hang in there! Xoxo

Alyssa Waters said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I went through PPD with my last child and although it felt like it would never end it finally did. Women all over need to know that what they are experiencing whether we like to admit it or not is quite normal and way more common than we think. They are not alone just like you and I weren't.

Kayla Sheehan said...

I struggled with PPD with my first child. I'm pregnant again and am terrified i'll go through it again, BUT at least i know that im not alone and that there are things that can help. It was so depressing and terrifying not feeling at all, like myself. Thankfully my midwife prescribed something and in a few months i was able to quit taking it and felt much better.

Dagmar Lesher said...

This is such a horrible thing! I thank God that I myself have not experienced this.

Haley Graves said...

I had PPD with my oldest. This needs to be talked about more.